Bereaved Israeli and Palestinian fathers now call each other brother

By Bairbre Holmes, Press Association

Two bereaved fathers, one Israeli and one Palestinian, are using their friendship to campaign for peace between their two nations.

Despite having fought for opposing sides as young men, Rami Elhanan and Bassam Aramin say they are now “family” and have dedicated their lives to building respect and understanding between their communities.

The two men were in Dublin to speak at an event hosted by the charity Trócaire.

They have visited the country before, touring the island and sharing their stories last summer.

“I’m proud that he considers me a brother,” Mr Elhanan says of Mr Aramin.

The 76-year-old veteran of the Yom Kippur War described a man who, aged 17, was jailed for throwing hand grenades at Israeli jeeps.

Elhanan’s life changed “dramatically” following the death of his 14-year-old daughter in 1997.

Smadar Elhanan was killed by Palestinian suicide bombers while shopping for school books with friends in Jerusalem.

The following year he was invited to a meeting of bereaved Palestinian and Israeli parents, set up by The Parents Circle – Families Forum (PCFF), a joint Israeli-Palestinian organisation for bereaved families.

“I was very suspicious… I was very reluctant and cynical,” he said, but added that the meeting “changed my life, changed my mind, changed my attitude”.

“I was 47-years-old, and until today, I’m ashamed to admit it was the first time ever in my life I’d met Palestinians as human beings, not as workers in the streets, and not as terrorists, but as human beings who carry the same burden that I carry, who suffer like I suffer.”

We proved that we can build a real partnership, we can live together all side by side

He became involved in grassroots peace movements and met Aramin through the group Combatants for Peace in 2005.

“He always said that I immediately fell in love with him the minute I met him, which is completely true,” Elhan said of Aramin.

That love was needed when, two years later, Mr Aramin’s 10-year-old daughter, Abir, was shot by the Israeli military in East Jerusalem.

“We ran to the hospital,” Elhanan said: “We spent two days by her bed until she passed away and for me, it was like losing my daughter for the second time, I knew this girl.”

Since then the men have campaigned together, sharing their personal tragedies as a warning, and their friendship as a symbol of hope.

“We proved that we can build a real partnership, we can live together all side by side,” Elhanan said.

They say mutual respect and understanding between their two peoples is what is needed to bring the brutal conflict to an end.

“One word is essential, without it nothing will happen, the word is respect,” said Elhanan.

“You have to be able to respect the guy next to you exactly as you want to be respected, no more and no less and once you achieve this, all the rest are technicalities.”

This, he says, can be achieved by “being brave, by telling the truth, by looking straight into your eyes, not being polite, not being not controversial, telling them from the river to the sea, everyone should be free, everyone should be safe, everyone should be equal”.

“It’s the most difficult thing to trust your killer, your occupier, who stole your land, your house, who killed your daughter,” Aramin added.

But he said learning about the “humanity” of those he considered the “enemy” has changed his perspective.

The 57-year-old said it was not until he met Elhanan’s father, an Auschwitz survivor, that he understood the horror of the Holocaust.

He said when he first heard about the Second World War genocide he thought: “I don’t care, it’s not me, I don’t know about anyone.”

“When you meet Rami’s Father, it’s hard, and he starts to talk to you about before he go to the oven.

“Then you understand what’s the name of the Holocaust.”

Elhanan said some in his community claim grief caused him to lose his mind.

“I lost many friends, I lost many family members,” he said, but added: “I get new family members, new friends, and I’m not afraid anymore the worst has already happened.”

“I see the goal very clearly, very sharply, I know exactly where I’m going, what needs to be done in order that children will not keep on dying in this Holy Land of ours, no Muslim children, no Christian children, no Jewish children, no children at all.”

A 2020 novel Aperiogon, based on the pair’s friendship and written by Irish author Colum McCann, was longlisted for the Booker prize.

They compare coming to Ireland to a football team playing a home match, with Aramin saying people in the country “understand us, they’re very supportive”.

They say they use the peace that has been achieved in Northern Ireland as a story of hope.

“It’s not written anywhere that we’re going to continue killing each other forever,” Aramin said.

“It must end at one point, and I believe very soon.”