Ciss Carpenter: outstanding businesswoman and friend to many was much loved for her empathy and understanding

“CISS was a legend.” This simple sentiment expressed by a mourner at the burial of Sarah (Ciss) Carpenter, Barrack Street, Carlow in the town’s St Mary’s Cemetery on Tuesday 17 September summed up perfectly the life and times of this proud Wexford woman of many talents.

Ciss (88) passed away peacefully, surrounded by her loving family on Saturday 14 September, under the wonderful care of the nurses and staff of Hillview Nursing Home, Tullow Road. She was a resident of Hillview for the final weeks of her life.

Ciss Carpenter, matriarch of Carpenter Brothers, long-established Carlow publicans and funeral directors, was acknowledged as an outstanding businesswoman. She will be remembered with great affection by generations of Carlovians for the empathy and understanding she displayed towards thousands of families at times of bereavement.

The scale of the outpouring of love towards Ciss and the Carpenter family in their great loss was reflected in the massive crowds who attended her wake, funeral Mass and burial.

A native of Island, Craanford in north Co Wexford, the former Ciss Whitty was born into a farming family, the youngest and only girl in a family of four. She was predeceased by her brothers Peter, Paddy and Tom.

Ciss was bereaved in November 1994 by the death, at the age of 61, of her husband Paddy Carpenter.

Marc, the youngest of the Carpenter children and head of the family businesses, told the overflow congregation that the Carpenter family can’t express how much the generosity of people has meant to them “during this difficult time”.

He continued: “The people at the wake yesterday, the lovely stories and beautiful messages online helped us through.” Continuing, Marc expressed his mother’s deep appreciation to all the Carpenter staff and customers over her long working life there, commenting: “You were a second family to her. She loved the chat and stories with you all and she wouldn’t have been able to do it without her loyal work colleagues.

“She often said there was a bestseller in the stories from Carpenter’s pub!” Marc said Ciss did not make a fuss, but to himself, his brothers and sisters and their extended family, “she was an amazing person”.

He said whenever he spoke to Ciss about Craanford, one could tell it was where she had some of her most treasured memories.

“She enjoyed her childhood there, even if life on a farm at that time must have been tough for a girl, especially with three older brothers.

“I think this is where Ciss’s toughness came from. She worked hard on the farm, as was needed in the 1940s, mainly picking potatoes and generally helping any way she could on the Whitty holding. She told me of her memories of riding a horse bareback to the lads in the field with their tea in a bottle, with paper stuck in the top to stop it spilling.” “Many times, Ciss, in passing Craanford by road, would point out the hill she raced her pony up and the old mill where storytelling took place. I also believe her caring nature began in Craanford,” he added.

She had recently told him (Marc) about her own father’s funeral in Craanford. A stranger was noted at the funeral by the family and local community, local people wondering who the stranger was.

When asked, this man explained that his mother had made him promise to attend Mogue Whitty’s funeral.

“His mother had lost family to TB and Mogue had been the only one who would enter the house during the deadly outbreak, to help her bury her family members. He wanted to be there to pay his respects.

“This sense of community spirit and caring travelled with Ciss, and from seeing her deal with family bereavements and problems over the years, I can see how Craanford moulded her into the person we all loved.” Tracing his mother’s pathway in life, Marc told the congregation that, as a young woman, she moved to Carlow to take up a post with the Provincial Bank in the Barrowside town and it was here that she met future husband Paddy at a dance in the Royal Hotel.

After their marriage, Ciss took to the business of hospitality and funeral undertaking as if she was always meant for it.

“Funeral undertaking was where she really shone. Her empathy for people at a time of grief was legendary and there was no problem that she would not attempt to fix, no matter how outrageous the solution. Her special skill was to be there for people at the hard times with practical help and spirit.” Marc said Ciss was a skilled businesswoman when it came to the pub trade and there were many challenging years as she and Paddy built up the business to what it is today.

“So many people will have fond memories and many stories of the evolution of Carpenter’s Bar over the decades and her special part in that.” Marc said he and his siblings had an unusual upbringing, being raised in a pub, with the staff and customers playing a significant part in that upbringing and in Ciss’s life.

He said: “From her chats in the morning with the GAA crowd about all the matches at the weekend, which would end up recalling games in the 1950s and 1960s, to the late-night chats with the evening customers about the goings-on in Carlow town, she enjoyed every minute of it.” The business was also a home, with Ciss and Paddy together raising seven children until Paddy’s early death in 1994.

“This left Ciss with the businesses and a family to continue raising and supporting alone, which she did, and was a wonderful mother to Anne, Eleanor, Marie, Patrick, Nicky, Mogue and myself.” Marc recalled summers holidaying in Courtown, which was the only time Ciss cooked. Her culinary specialities were mainly from Island, the summer menu usually consisting of Irish stew or colcannon. “A real treat would have been prawn cocktail at the Courtown Hotel, where the number of prawns served was a matter of great interest to her.” He also reflected on a most awful family tragedy with the death of Ciss’s young daughter Lee.

Turning to Ciss’s inherent love of sport, in particular GAA, Marc noted that his mother would always have some form of sport on television.

“She would watch sport all day in her chair, whenever she could get a break from work. Whether it was football, hurling, soccer, snooker – if it was competitive, she would watch it.

“This came from her youth playing camogie. When Ciss came to Carlow, she was heavily involved in the founding of the Killeshin camogie team.” Mark commented ruefully: “I often asked how she could play for Killeshin and Laois if she lived in Carlow, but she never answered that question!” He went on to reference her excellence on the field of play in camogie for both club and county, noting that Ciss was selected for the Leinster team and won four Railway Cup medals, captaining the side in a final which, unfortunately, Leinster did not win.

This was a great achievement for a player from one of the weaker counties.

“I only gleaned this information in the last few months from her. She never spoke of any of these achievements before that – never being one to blow her own trumpet.” Marc spoke of Ciss’s heavy and lengthy involvement with O’Hanrahan’s GFC. She served on the club committee for as long as he could remember, acting in various roles, her last as O’Hanrahan’s honorary president.

“My memories of playing football with the Blues as a child was meeting at Carlow Motors on the Tullow Road and driving to games in packed cars and stopping with Mammy in the chipper on the way home.” He went on to relate his most vivid memory as an O’Hanrahan’s juvenile footballer. It was an under-10 match against Fenagh, to his memory.

He takes up the story: “Ciss realised we were short on transport and we had to get our team to Fenagh. With time running out, she grabbed the keys of the funeral limo and 20 kids jumped in the back.

“I still see the faces of the Fenagh team and supporters as Ciss drove in on two wheels, five minutes from throw-in, with a full Blues team of 20 players in the back of the funeral limo. I think we won, but I know for sure we stopped for chips on the way home.” (laughter).

Marc’s eulogy continued: “On a personal level, my mother instilled a love of GAA – she always encouraged me to play, work hard and contribute to the team. All valuable lessons for life as well as sport. I always will feel proud that I got to play for her in the Blues jersey and Carlow jersey. She would always advise: ‘Get the ball in your hands before you decide what to do with it.’ “She was always our family’s steady set of hands, our captain and team player.” The sporting apple did not fall far from the tree as Marc, in a distinguished football career won four Carlow SFC medals with the Blues, a Leinster Club title with O’Hanrahan’s in 2000, an O’Byrne Cup medal in 2002 with Carlow and Railway Cup success with Leinster, when they defeated Connacht in the final of 2006, staged in Boston, having defeated Ulster in the semi-final. He was also honoured with Leinster selection the following year.

Continuing the tribute to his mother, Mark said that in her last two years he had the privilege of having Ciss live with his family, describing it as “a joy to share her with his own children, passing on her knowledge and traits to the next generation”. He expressed the hope that they can become a person like his mother, adding: “I would be eternally proud of them as I am of her.” Mark thanked his brothers and sisters, who had helped so much with Ciss’s care, which added years onto her life.

He also extended thanks to his wife Linda for the care and compassion she showed to Ciss over the last few years. “The bond you both had is testament to that, and I know, on her last day when she knew she was dying, Ciss spoke to Linda and thanked her for everything.” Mark said his last abiding memories of his mother was of a hard-working, passionate figure of strength, who never waned in her support or love of her family and who soldiered on, even when times were tough.

He also paid tribute to Ciss’s coterie of friends, who visited and made calls during the last couple of years, some of these friends even calling twice a day. “As her mobility lessened, you were her window to the outside world,” he commented.

Mark thanked the clergy, sacristans, singers, gravediggers who took part in her funeral and also helped Ciss to organise funerals over her lifetime in Carlow.

He also extended the Carpenter family thanks to the doctors, nurses and staff of St Luke’s Hospital, Kilkenny, the Sacred Heart Hospital, Carlow, the District Hospital, Carlow, Gallagher’s Medical and Hillview Nursing Home for their wonderful care towards Ciss, especially in the last few months.

Ciss reposed in Carpenter Bros Funeral Home, Shamrock Square on Monday afternoon and evening, with prayers being led by Fr Tom O’Byrne, Adm, Carlow. Her remains were removed on Tuesday morning to the cathedral, travelling via Barrack Street, the cortège stopping outside Carpenter’s premises.

Fr O’Byrne was chief celebrant of her funeral Mass, assisted by Fr Tom Little, PP, Askea-Bennekerry-Tinryland and Fr John Dunphy, PP, Graiguecullen-Killeshin.

At the start of Mass, a number of significant symbols of Ciss’s life were brought to the altar, this aspect being narrated by her daughter Eleanor.

A hurl and sliotar were brought forward by Jane (granddaughter) to illustrate Ciss’s lifelong love of Gaelic games.

Grandson Conor presented his grandmother’s funeral book, symbolising her professional approach to the families of the deceased down the years.

Nickey (grandnephew) brought up a Killeshin GAA jersey, a memory of Ciss’s hurling prowess with the camogie club. Emily (granddaughter) presented an O’Hanrahan’s jersey, reflecting the outstanding contribution Ciss made to the Blues throughout her life in Carlow.

Grandniece Jane brought forward a copy of The Nationalist. Ciss had a longtime association with the newspaper, identifying it as symbolising all things local to Carlow.

Mick Condron, senior barman at Carpenter’s, presented a baby whiskey. Ciss always provided a drop of whiskey at an appropriate time to help people who were going through the grief of losing a loved one – it was a practical example of her empathy for people in mourning.

The final symbol, presented by her niece Claire from Island, was a painting of the old mill in Craanford, symbolising Ciss’s love of her native place, an association which never left her. A large number of people from the north Wexford area attended the obsequies.

During Mass, Fr O’Byrne spoke of the sterling qualities Ciss brought to her life, highlighting her great respect for family life and her deep faith.

He then spoke of the part “all the Cs” played in her life – Ciss, Craanford, Camogie and Carpenter.

Having referred to Ciss’s charitable, caring nature and her many anonymous acts of kindness down the years, Fr Tom noted that ‘time’ had featured prominently in the life of Ciss Caspenter.

He observed that, in the bar she called time – last orders – time up. “Ciss had an awareness that life is terminal and a sense that her own time was getting short. She was prepared to embrace that time as well,” he added.

The wonderful singing of hymns during Mass was by Louise Delaney.

There were guards of honour at the funeral by members of O’Hanrahan’s GFC, the Wexford Association in Carlow, the Carlow cumann of Fianna Fáil and the staff of Carpenter Brothers.

Gerry Dunne, a piper with the Killeshin Pipe Band, led the cortège into St Mary’s Cemetery, while the final prayers at the graveside were recited by Fr O’Byrne.

Marc drove the hearse into St Mary’s, with his son Conor a front-seat passenger, in a final gesture of family solidarity.

As mentioned earlier, Paddy Carpenter died in November 1994.

Paddy was an outstanding Gaelic footballer of the 1950s, winning Carlow senior championship medals with O’Hanrahan’s and being a regular on the Carlow county team of that era.

He served for a number of years as a Fianna Fáil member of Carlow County and Urban Councils, was a member of the South Eastern Health Board and contested the 1977 general election on an FF ticket.

Ciss was laid to rest with Paddy and daughter Lee to the graveside playing by Gerry Dunne of Boolavogue, in a final salute to Ciss’s beloved Wexford.

She is deeply mourned by children Anne Gubbins (Wexford town), Eleanor Carpenter (Rathangan, Co Wexford), Marie Jullien (Paris), Patrick (Carlow), Nicky (San Francisco), Mogue (Carlow) and Marc (Carlow), by her treasured grandchildren Shane, Molly, Finn, Anna, Una, Liam, Annik, Emily, Jane and Conor.

Ciss is also survived by her sons-in-law Brian and Bernard, daughters-in-law Linda and Marguerita, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, nephews, nieces, relatives and many good and loyal friends.

The O’Hanrahan’s and Carlow flags flew at half-mast throughout the obsequies at the club grounds on Dublin Road, in tribute to Ciss.

May she rest in eternal peace.