Godfrey's Gospel: The cost of eating out would make you choke

I LOVE eating out. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just good food where everything on the plate has its own distinct flavour. Even though I dislike the fat fryer – we don’t have one at home – there is nothing wrong with a good bag of chips from the local chipper every now and then.

Once considered the bottom of the food chain when it came to dining out, the chipper is now becoming a bit of a luxury, what with prices on the upward spiral. I often wonder how families who, for whatever reason, prefer to make most of their buying of hot foot from the chipper can even afford it. A one and one, as it was commonly known in Dublin for years, or fish and chips to the rest of us, will set you back a minimum of €9, if not more, in any self-respecting takeaway.

Pizzas are the same. Yes, we all know we can buy them in the supermarket and, yes, I have noticed the options seems to get more varied every time I look into a freezer, but ask any housewife or househusband (if I’m being politically correct) and they will all agree it is nicer to have something ‘handed’ to them, even if it is double the price of them simply taking it out of the freezer and popping it in the oven for 12 to 15 minutes.

And as we all know, you can’t have a pizza without having a side of fries or wedges – and the ones you do at home are nowhere near as tasty as a bag of chips soaked in chipper vinegar.

But enough about the chipper: it’s making me want to go to the nearest one and order a one and one, something I haven’t done in months. Let’s talk about the not-so fancy restaurant, because in truth that’s where I mostly head to.

I’m not adverse to recognising the effort that goes into creating a dish that would meet Michelin star standards, but when I have something presented to me, I’m not looking at the architecture, layout or delicate display needing the instruments of a heart surgeon to create. I’m looking for good, tasty food. Don’t give me a big preamble about how it is infused with this or that; just give it to me straight and I’ll quickly tell you whether I like it or not – and, more importantly, if it is worth the money.

Take a look at me and you would be forgiven for thinking I am a man who loves a good thick steak. You’d be wrong. In fact, if I order a steak off the menu, it really means I am disappointed with the range on offer.

There are two reasons why I shy away from that most popular of Irish dishes. First, I sometimes believe, rightly or wrongly, that I can actually smell the cow off the plate; and secondly, more often than not it will be either over-cooked or smothered in some kind of sauce, which means you really don’t taste anything except the sauce.

I’m not one for flashing the meat at the pan and off you go (medium to well is my preferred option), but that is a skill all on its own because chefs either err on the side of caution and give you a rare steak – something I find disgusting – or they cook the bejesus out of it, meaning I end up with a charred mess on the plate.

Then you have the whole debate about whether or not the ‘sides’ are included and, if so, what are you getting. Now you can see why I would readily opt for a beef taco, burrito, chicken or beef curry, minus onions or peppers, chilli or stew any day of the week.

It is a good job I prefer ‘cheaper’ cuts of meat, if there is really such a thing anymore. A friend of mine took a few days off work recently and, as you do while on holidays, dined out a few nights. On one of those nights, he decided to treat himself to a steak and I sure hope he made the most of it. The meat cost €40, while everything else was extra.

I don’t care what anyone says: paying €50 for a main course in a run-of-the-mill restaurant – no fancy table clothes or chef believing they have created something wonderful for the entire world to behold; just your regular run-of-the-mill restaurant that you find in any town in Ireland – is crazy. And dropping the VAT rate from 13% to 9% is going to do nothing to reduce the price of that meal.

Next, we will be told the electricity has gone up, or the auto-enrolment pension scheme is causing problems, the minimum wage is too much, IMRO is looking for more money – take your pick – but you will find maybe a €1 has been taken off the cost of the steak, but it will not have dropped by 13%.

According to those in the know, there is €1.5bn available to the government this year for taxation measures. If it goes ahead with the proposed VAT cuts for the entire hospitality sector, which includes hotel accommodation, it will cost around €870 million, give or take: almost one third of what is available for tax cuts.

Research from the Irish Fiscal Advisory Council has found that this is the equivalent of hiring 11,400 nurses or 7,800 teachers.

As I said earlier, I love to eat out, but much and all as I enjoy a good night out, I’d have to say using a blunt instrument across an entire industry to get prices down is not the way to go about helping restaurants, who I know are struggling to keep the doors open and lights on.

In the past we saw bail-outs or tax initiatives going exactly where they were not supposed to go. If that is going to be the case this time, especially if the idea of giving the likes of McDonald’s, one of the largest restaurant chains in the world, a tax break, then I’d have to say my preferred option would be to take the ‘cheaper’ cuts of meat on a menu and fund the hiring of more nurses and teachers.